who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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