overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
