Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
