i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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