If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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