He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
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You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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