accomplished twins. life is a go
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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