I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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