I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
