I just threw up on my dentist
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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