I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
