the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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