toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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