I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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