there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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