Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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