i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize