omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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