It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
