You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
