i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
