So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
