Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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