I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
