Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
not ubering you a puppy
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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