My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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