this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
