I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
