i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
