did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
