In the future we'll all be gay
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
