Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
