I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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