dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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