I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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