I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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