I want to walk on stilts...naked
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
