I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
