If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
