My room smells like vodka and shame
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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