I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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