her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
