The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
