do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
