My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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