You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
