I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
