True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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