So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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