dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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