First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He shit in the fireplace
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize