I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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