i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
