We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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