Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
