Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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