took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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