so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
