my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
