bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
