so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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