piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
