we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
