Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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