I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
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considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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